Managing Strong Feelings In The "Terrible Twos"

How to manage challenging moments

Learning how to deal with challenging moments in motherhood is definitely worth discussing and sharing!  

Welcoming a new baby

Welcoming a new baby to the family household can lead to experiencing many feelings: overwhelmed, happiness, worry, anxiety and excitement. 

Although, welcoming a beautiful baby is a special event, you are also under intense demands.  You must become familiar to your baby's feeding schedule, sleeping times, balancing work with family, breastfeeding, hormonal changes, doctor's appointments, and many more.  Juggling all of these responsibilities continues to be challenging to adapt to your life as a mother.  

One thing we can all agree for sure, is that having a new baby is going to be a joyful, unpredictable and exciting ride.   

First time mother

When I first became a mom, I didn't know what I was doing.  At the same time, I was going through lots of life changes.  We were moving into a new place, starting a new career, and getting use to health protocols for the pandemic which all created additional stressors.

Even though the process of adapting to baby milestones can be very challenging at times, I was very happy when he reached his first-year old phase.  

Observing his personality developed during this first year-old phase has been a delightful experience for me.   After I was getting familiar with my baby's first-year old, another phase showed up!  A new defiant being appeared out of nowhere!  He's turned two and something changed! 

The "terrible twos" arrive!!

In this phase, kids are learning about emotions, feelings and independence. They want to assert their own opinions, likes, and dislikes.  They are experiencing strong feelings, emotions and don't necessarily know how to express themselves. 

In my case, my little boy is no exception, he says "no" more frequently than "yes" and he doesn't seem to agree with anything I suggest.  For example, whenever I mention it's time for a bath, eat, and brush your teeth, his response is a big "NO"; sometimes even to get him ready to do his favorite thing and play at the park he says "no".  It needs to be his idea or I need to consider what he is attempting to tell me. 

After a little "trial and error" I opted to try these techniques and see what works best for him.  I am not saying that now everything is "perfect and rosy" but that I am learning how to manage the "disagreements" better. 

In addition, I just wait for him to be ready, allowing him to finish his temper tantrum moment.  The waiting on him to be ready, is extremely challenging because as a working mother you always need all the extra time you can get.  Getting use to the "terrible twos" and understanding that is part of the toddler learning process takes a little bit of time and patience.  

What Experts Recommend?

Other strategies that the Zero to Three Organization recommend are the following: 

• Read a good book to teach them how to manage feelings and solve problems
• Introduce ideas and concepts in how to handle anger, sadness, and frustration (validate their feelings and teach them how to deal with these strong emotions)
• Empathize with your kids.  Express to them that you understand how they feel and that it will pass
• Use visuals to make waiting easier
• Allow your child to make appropriate choices for their age 
• Help your child to practice self-control by teaching the skills (The Zero to Three Organization)

Always consult with your pediatrician if you feel like the tantrums are extreme and lasting longer than 25 minutes or if they injure themselves or others. Tantrums that occur frequently; 10 or more daily it may be concerning. Please consult with a health provider or behavior specialist professional.  

To learn more about extreme temper tantrums associated with clinical problems visit the link below:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2211733/

 (Please always consult with professionals and experts for extreme temper tantrums)